Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Dating Men of 40: Time, Attention and Relationships

As a Relationship Coach to Women over forty, I have the opportunity to give a listening ear to many who have either been dating for a while or are just getting back into the dating adventure. A lot of the women I hear from are frustrated because they feel the man in their life does not give them enough time or attention. Is this you?

As a Guy Spy into the male Mind, allow me to reveal a common mistake I see women make. They do not understand that a man's identity is based on what he does. Women tend to define themselves based on who they are to other people. For example a woman may call herself a wife, mother or sister. The male in her life calls himself a doctor, lawyer or banker. Understanding this key element will save you gals a lot of grief! Men don't think, feel or behave like women, so accepting this is really the first step to obtaining peace of mind for you.

If you are feeling like he is not spending enough time with you and you continue to complain to him, he will perceive this as an attack against who he is. He will feel like you are trying to change him and make him like you or worse yet like one of your girlfriends! Men are driven by success. Complaining or nagging is extremely unattractive and tends to remind men of their mothers. On the other hand, if you encourage him in those areas where he excels he will strive harder to please you because making you happy makes him happy!

When he does give you the attention you are craving, show him how delighted you are! Tell him how it makes you feel. Praise him and he will rise to meet the bar and go beyond it! Men by nature are competitive, so if he got an "A+" last time he wants an A+++ next time! Show him how you appreciate him by surprising him with a foot massage or unsolicited back rub! Pleasant words and touch go a long way in a man's world!

The best way to approach any relationship is to go in with the mind set of how I can make this a win-win situation. It may take some getting used to at first especially if your background or upbringing has been a negative one. I do assure you though, using this strategy will be well worth it in the long run!